Monthly Book Giveaway--A Passion for the Impossible: The Life of Lilias Trotter

*For more information about Monthly Book Giveaways click here .

I am delighted to begin these Monthly Book Giveaways with one of my most favorite books, a book about a woman who lived a beautiful surrendered life, through the grace and power of Jesus Christ.

Lilias Trotter was an artist turned missionary -- From the wealthy class in England, she gave up a comfortable life, trusted her fragile health into the hands of her Mighty God, and turned her back upon a promising career as an artist to serve the Lord Jesus as a foreign missionary. This book is wonderfully written; Miriam Huffman Rockness does a magnificent job as the biographer of Lilias Trotter. I pray that this book will encourage you as it has encouraged me.  

From the back cover:

This is the story of the woman whose life of faith and devotion inspired the hymn "Turn your Eyes Upon Jesus". Although art critic John Ruskin enthusiastically proclaimed Lilas Trotter's potential as one of the best artists of the nineteenth century, her devotion to Christ compelled her to abandon the life of art, privilege and leisure she could have enjoyed.

Without knowing the language and without the sponsorship of any organization, Lilias left her London home of comfort for a modest dwelling in Algeria, where her love of literature and art became dynamic tools for evangelism, and where her compassionate heart captured the hearts of the people. For forty years, despite frail health and many obstacles, Lilias devoted herself to missionary service among the people of Algeria through her lifestyle of love and encouragement.

"(Christians') works do follow them." wrote Lilias. In writing of this truth, she prophetically supplied a perspective of her own legacy--and the legacy of all who invest in the kingdom of God.

"I am astounded by...the beautiful expression of who Lilias was and what her legacy teaches us. I couldn't put (the book) down, as they say, and I read it--devoured it--carefully, gladly, and with great blessing...a "drop everything book"!    --Elisabeth Elliot, author and speaker.

"Miriam Rockness (has done) a painstakingly superb job of researching original documents. Her book is (filled) with quotes that will challenge the reader's faith and obedience to God...a fresh look at another one of England's distinguished missionary pioneers..."   --Jim Reapsome, review for Evangelical Missions Quarterly

ENTER THE GIVEAWAY! :-)

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You might find me on these link-ups:

Strangers and Pilgrims on Earth, The Modest Mom, What Joy is Mine, Yes They Are All Ours, Missional Call, A Mama's Story, Mom's the Word, Rich Faith Rising, Time Warp Wife, Cornerstone Confessions, Mom's Morning Coffee, So Much at Home, Raising Homemakers, Hope in Every Season, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Woman to Woman Ministries, Whole-Hearted Home, A Soft Gentle Voice, My Daily Walk in His Grace, Messy Marriage, My Teacher's Name is Mama, The Charm of Home, Graced Simplicity, Children Are A Blessing, Mittenstate Sheep and Wool, Imparting Grace, Preparedness Mama, A Look at the Book, Essential Thing Devotions, Count My Blessings, Beauty Observed, Christian Mommy Blogger, Renewed Daily, Soul Survival, Good Morning Mondays, The HomeAcre Hop, Mommy Moments Link Up, Grace and Truth Linkup, Faith Filled Friday, Saturday Soiree Blog Party, Tell It To Me Tuesdays

This Last Surrender--Releasing March 19, 2015

This Last Surrender, 
A Devotional Written by Rebekah Neal

From the back of the book . . . 

Are you weary in spirit – looking for deep rest?

Are you thirsty in your soul – needing living water?

Do you long for a word of encouragement, helping you to persevere through the seeming monotony of motherhood, the press of modern culture, and the difficulties of the Christian life?

Savor This Last Surrender, a 31-day devotional adapted from some of the most beloved posts from Rebekah Neal’s blog “Ready to be Offered.” Here, you’ll discover a respite – not an escape; a time of refreshment rather than of distraction; and an opportunity to surrender daily everything – heart, soul, mind, and body – to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

You’ll find each day’s selection includes nourishing quotes from past Christians who have walked the narrow way before us, as well as a heart-softening, soul-enriching selection from Rebekah. Ranging from, “Why It’s Not About Losing the Last Ten Pounds,” to “Is He Enough?”, Rebekah handles topics close to almost every woman’s heart with unswerving Scriptural faithfulness and love.

Every daily reading includes questions for prayer, journaling, or small-group discussion.

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You might find me on these link-ups:


Strangers and Pilgrims on Earth, The Modest Mom, What Joy is Mine, Yes They Are All Ours, Missional Call, A Mama's Story, Mom's the Word, Rich Faith Rising, Time Warp Wife, Cornerstone Confessions, Mom's Morning Coffee, So Much at Home, Raising Homemakers, Hope in Every Season, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Woman to Woman Ministries, Whole-Hearted Home, A Soft Gentle Voice, My Daily Walk in His Grace, Messy Marriage, My Teacher's Name is Mama, The Charm of Home, Graced Simplicity, Children Are A Blessing, Mittenstate Sheep and Wool, Imparting Grace, Preparedness Mama, A Look at the Book, Essential Thing Devotions, Count My Blessings, Beauty Observed, Christian Mommy Blogger, Renewed Daily, Soul Survival, Good Morning Mondays, The HomeAcre Hop, Mommy Moments Link Up, Grace and Truth Linkup, Faith Filled Friday, Saturday Soiree Blog Party, Tell It To Me Tuesdays

An Interview with Audrey Broggi, Part 2

This week, we're continuing with Part Two of the interview with Audrey Broggi. Audrey is the wife of Dr. Carl Broggi (from Search the Scriptures ministries and the Pastor of Community Bible Church in Beaufort, S.C.). She leads the women's ministry there -- Mothering from the Heart -- a ministry that has greatly helped and encouraged me on my own mothering pilgrimage. When I wrote to Audrey, she graciously agreed to do this interview, which I pray will be a great blessing to those who read it. She has been a role-model in my life for her strong and uncompromising stand on Biblical womanhood and parenting. I encourage you to glean from her insights and her Godly, encouraging wisdom from God's Word.

Click here to read Part One.

Your ministry, Mothering From the Heart, has had a profound impact upon the lives of so many women. How did this ministry begin and grow?

What started as a heart for my family and biblical mothering - teaching the practicality of the Bible to my own children and others they brought home has grown into my teaching the practicality of God's Word to women as well. My heart's desire has always been to know God intimately, to obey Him earnestly, and to see His hand in the small, everyday moments of life.
So with that heart, I opened my home and invited women in our church to come and together we'd study the biblical principles of mothering.  I told them that I was just passing on to them what God was teaching me.  I told them that I didn’t have it all together or all figured out - that the “jury,” so to speak, was still out in terms of my own family.  BUT, God’s word is true and I was clinging onto Him for dear life.
My first study brought so many women.  My living room was packed - standing, in the hall, up the stairs.  I was - I don’t know - amazed and thankful.  But I was also struck with the need.
We gathered for 6 weeks and explored the Scriptures together, laughed, and prayed.  Then when the first study concluded, other women asked when I would teach it again.  so I did - and then when our first building was built, we held it there.  Which eventually led to a conference and many since then.

How do you believe Mothering From the Heart has impacted the lives of women and their families over the years?

All I know is what I hear from women who write to me.  Their lives are forever changed as they see the beautiful design from Scripture and apply His word.  Perspective makes all the difference in the world.

Why do you see a need for the traditional role of motherhood to be reinforced and embraced within the church and as a testimony to the world that we live in?

God created family - He knows how best it should function and work.  When Christian families live out His design, the gospel is proclaimed.

Your authenticity and “down-to-earth” approach with women as well as your compassion and refusal to compromise regarding the principles of the Scriptures are so refreshing. How have you experienced women benefiting from such a straightforward approach to God’s Word?

Again, I can only share what women share with me.  They seem to appreciate the truth.  Serious women don’t want to be entertained.  They want the truth.  They see the foolishness of the world and they also realize that too many women Bible teachers don’t really speak to the real struggles of life in the home in terms of how the Bible can come to life in terms of
loving a difficult man or raising sinful children.  Women can be all “superspiritual” with their gal pals but the rubber meets the road in the home.  When the husband says something or does something mean or insensitive, when the kids are fighting, when food burns, when the baby is teething and fussing 24/7, when life is chaotic,  women must learn how God’s word is real in the middle of their domestic lives.  It’s not just about being at some women’s event or having me-time.  I see my role as filling up the tanks of women so they can walk with God no matter what life throws at them.  My heart is that after being at one of my studies or retreats, they would be refreshed to do what God has called them to do. And know that He is faithful.  Women don’t need some list - they need God.

How did raising your own children teach you more about the joys and difficulties of mothering?

Life is fleshed out in the home.  While a woman doesn’t have to be a wife or a mother to teach the truth of God’s word, those things certainly give her experience.  I think of Paul’s words in 2 Corinthians:

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,  who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.  For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ. But if we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; or if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which is effective in the patient enduring of the same sufferings which we also suffer; and our hope for you is firmly grounded, knowing that as you are sharers of our sufferings, so also you are sharers of our comfort.

Wow, think of the implications of this for mothers who want to help other mothers.  If we will take seriously our struggles and learn what God wants to teach us through them, we have something to pass on.  Not just opinions, but truth.

How does your relationship to Jesus Christ impact your views on mothering and the home?

His Word is the foundation of all I believe and teach concerning mothering and the home.

What spiritual battles have you come up against through refusing to compromise on the principles that God lays out in His Word?

Without being specific, sometimes women get angry with the message but they project the anger on me.  That’s ok.  I try to be gentle when talking about hot button issues but often that doesn’t matter to a woman …

Who are some of your favorite women of the faith, past or present? Why?

In terms of well-known Christian women, I would say Elisabeth Elliot and Nancy DeMoss. Both are strong believers and as far as I know, have never compromised the truth of Scripture as it concerns women’s issues.
I especially appreciate Nancy because as a single woman, she has been faithful to know and understand and teach not only God’s good design for being single, but also His good gifts of marriage, children, and the home.

It is clear from your and your husband’s ministries that Scripture is central to your practical decisions and in your walk with the Lord. Why do you believe that the Word of God must be the basis for the way that we practically live out our Christian walk?

Since He is our Creator, He knows how we should live.  Even if I don’t understand, He is good.

Is there any final advice that you would like to give to wives and mothers who are striving to live their lives in a way that is pleasing to the Lord?

I love the beginning of Hebrews 12: Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us (those men and women of faith listed in Hebrews 11), let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us (women must be honest about their distractions and encumbrances and get rid of both “OK” things and sin), and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus (not on other women), the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
 For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
There is so much in this world to grow weary of and lose heart over.  BUT as we fix our eyes on Jesus, He carries us and gives us hope.

Thank you so much for sharing this wisdom with us, Audrey. It has been such a blessing to have you here. God bless you as you continue to serve Him through your ministry to women.


You might find me on the following link-ups:

Strangers and Pilgrims on Earth, The Modest Mom, What Joy is Mine, Yes They Are All Ours, Missional Call, A Mama's Story, Mom's the Word, Rich Faith Rising, Time Warp Wife, Cornerstone Confessions, Mom's Morning Coffee, So Much at Home, Raising Homemakers, Hope in Every Season, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Woman to Woman Ministries, Whole-Hearted Home, A Soft Gentle Voice, My Daily Walk in His Grace, Messy Marriage, My Teacher's Name is Mama, The Charm of Home, Graced Simplicity, Children Are A Blessing, Mittenstate Sheep and Wool, Imparting Grace, Preparedness Mama, A Look at the Book, Essential Thing Devotions, Count My Blessings, Beauty Observed, Christian Mommy Blogger, Renewed Daily, Soul Survival, Good Morning Mondays, The HomeAcre Hop, Mommy Moments Link Up, Grace and Truth Linkup, Faith Filled Friday, Saturday Soiree Blog Party, Tell It To Me Tuesdays

Sex, Bondage, Fantasy . . . and Embracing What is Real

I'm res-sharing this article that I wrote a few years ago and praying that it might be helpful to someone today. 

Note: This post contains adult material that is intended to shed light on a subject that has been on my heart for awhile now. The church as a whole is affected by it; marriages, families, women, and men are affected by it. The content is not appropriate for children. 

"You cannot drink the cup of the Lord and the cup of demons; you cannot partake of the Lord's table and of the table of demons. Or do we provoke the Lord to jealousy? Are we stronger than He? All things are lawful for me, but not all things are helpful; all things are lawful for me, but not all things edify. Let no one seek his own, but each one the other's well-being."

I Corinthians 10:21-24

“'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.'"

--Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

The Velveteen Rabbit has always been one of my favorite children's stories . . . In it, a little boys's toy bunny is loved "enough" to make him real. Real . . . a real rabbit--no longer a toy, a plaything. Love made him real, lifted him out of the realm of fantasy. Gave him flesh and bones and life and breath.

Love made him real. 

A movie. Hitting the box offices for Valentine's Day, the day of love, the day of romance and roses and marriage proposals and moonlight kisses and flowers. 

The day of love. 

This movie, Fifty Shades of Grey, descends on the public like a dark phantom, a dark phantom shrouding the message of real love and real sex and real life and real romance.

Where one man's sexual fantasies* take a garish diabolical twist--and real love is sucked up like ashes into the violence of a windy night. 

Everyone's curious, and everyone wants to hop on the bandwagon to taste the forbidden fruit, this forbidden fruit of hellish fantasy. 

A Cinderella story turned topsy-turvy and somehow twisted. Twisted and softly gathered into the slithering body of that deathly beautiful serpent of old. Enticed until we're slowly squeezed to death and the venom has gone to our hearts. 

Enticed by fantasy. Enticed by the forbidden, the unknown. Enticed by the promise of a more exquisite pleasure via something different.

Maybe we're just curious. 

And maybe we're not going to try the BDSM lifestyle, but are there whispers of it in our relationships? Are there whispers of it in our bedrooms, in the way that we approach intimacy, in the way that we relate to our spouses?

Some years ago, I came across a book that was written by a mainstream evangelical Christian sex therapist, Douglas E. Rosenau.  

In my spirit, I sensed that something was wrong (and I felt that he was much more explicit than necessary), but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. 

Looking through it again, I found the section that really troubled me. A section on Fantasy. Sexual fantasy--and in it, he recommended creating, acting out our sexual fantasies with our spouses--(i.e. an erotic encounter on the beach), and using sexual "props" such as garters, black stockings, feathers, and satin gloves.  

All of these things, when used with our spouse, have the potential to aid us in our lovemaking, he claimed, and to enhance our sexual experience. He asserts that sex is roughly 80% "fantasy," and 20% "friction." 

He writes,

Fantasy gives your imagination the opportunity to add variety within your marriage without the destructiveness of greener grass. You can go to Hawaii or the Riviera; you can make love on a secluded beach; you can enjoy all over again favorite times with your mate. 

One woman was curious about what it would be like to make love to a different man. What she needed, however, was mental variety and a better sex life rather than an entirely different man. She needed to remember that one body is pretty much the same as another. Her more basic curiosity was a special mood, some novel experiences, someone to touch her sensuality in deeper and more exciting ways. An affair may very well not meet these needs and would certainly destroy the honesty and trust of her marriage. If she was willing to work at it with her husband, she could meet her needs wonderfully with him." (A Celebration of Sex, by Douglas E. Rosenau)

. . . Fantasy gives your imagination the opportunity to add variety within your marriage without the destructiveness of greener grass . . . 

Fantasy . . . the opposite of Reality. So, if you or your husband is dissatisfied in your mutual sexual relationship, seek fantasy . . . seek fantasy, but seek it within the "boundaries" of your marriage. The creative possibilities are endless; fantasy is the answer to dissatisfaction. 

Is it? 

And how "far" should we go in seeking fantasy? What is permissible? Where is the "line drawn?" Especially if both partners are on the "fantasy" bandwagon together?

May I suggest that there is no "line?" That treading in the deep waters of sexual fantasy is actually working to destroy marriages, not to build stronger intimacy within them? And that once "fantasy" is sought within sexual relationships, deeper and deeper and deeper levels of fantasy will be sought after as dissatisfaction sets in. 

The rot of sugar in the teeth doesn't make the mouth sweeter, it only gives a person cavities--the decay of death. 

As the writer of this book clearly states, Fantasy is not Reality. He points this truth out, while at the same time endorsing "healthy" fantasy- seeking within marriage, where both partners are in agreement. And to be fair to him, he warns against manipulation and other unhealthy sexual practices.  

However, there is a difference between having intimate "fun" with our spouse and embracing sexual fantasies, which, I believe, is where the lines are "blurred," and the danger sets in. 

Because where does fantasy stop? And where does it ultimately lead? 

Someone might argue, "What about children? Are they wrong to use their imagination, to live as it were, in "another" world, in a world of make-believe, of fantasy?" 

But children fantasize so that they can learn to live in the real world, because they are learning to live in the real world. 

My little two-year-old pretends to make tea so that she will know how to make tea in the future--her "fantasy" leads to the reality of a future pot of tea. Her childish playing at making tea is not a diversion from Reality, but a step towards it. Reality is the ultimate goal. The opposite of this scenario would be a regression--an adult who already understands the "reality" of tea-making, and yet seriously pretends to make a cup of tea is regressing into an imaginary situation of his or her own mind, a departure from Reality. 

And what about fantasizing about your spouse? About the last shared intimate encounter? What about re-living that scenario in your mind and desiring further intimacy with your spouse as the result of those thoughts? 

The crux of the matter is this: when we imagine the reality of the last encounter with our spouse, it leads to a deeper reality (and there is no sin in that, taken at face value). When we choose to fantasize about non-reality (and then "insert" our spouse), it leads into deeper fantasy. 

Reality moves us towards our spouse; fantasy builds a barrier. 

When we seek fantasy, we are moving away from true intimacy, not toward it. 

In Christian marriages, (where a Christian spouse is trying in their own strength to remain faithful to their spouse, despite dissatisfaction in their marriage and sexual relationship) fantasy becomes a substitute for pornography, a substitute for real intimacy. 

Until that too, becomes "old." And what then is left?

The world seeks fantasy. The world grapples with the Real and because it doesn't understand Christ, it does not understand Reality. 

Because Christ is Reality. Christ is the Real--the same yesterday, today and forever-the most Real of the Real that there is. 

Christ is Reality. Life and breath and blood and sinew and bone. 

He is the I Am. And when we embrace Him as our Bridegroom and Lover and Friend and Savior and Lord, we are not embracing a fantasy, but the Reality of all Reality. 

We are His Bride. 

And His relationship with us is a model for intimate relationships. 

Our relationships must be real. 

Full of love, true love, the love that is of God--the love that makes all things Real. 

Fantasy . . . seeking an escape---seeking something "different," seeking the forbidden fruit in an already perfectly-satisfying Eden-garden of beauty and ten thousand delights. 

But in our sinfulness, we desire the fruit we cannot have--and in doing so, we violate the One who created us and the ones whom we claim to love. 

When we seek fantasy in our relationships with our spouses--we place a barrier to true intimacy. Whether we want to admit it or not, they are now held to the standard of "fulfilling" our fantasies. 


Our spouses become "playthings," toys for us to toss about according to our whims and fancy. Toys that have no real voice, no real flesh to flesh connection--no heart connection. 

Because Fantasy is a selfish attempt to satisfy in us what only God can satisfy. 

Only God can meet our deepest needs. Only God can heal us from the old sexual habits that we may have had before we were believers. Only God can cleanse and purify our hearts and minds and give us a true intimate, Real connection between our spouses through His redeeming work in our hearts. 

The woman who is dissatisfied with her husband doesn't need various and creative sexual experiences with her husband; she doesn't need to seek fantasy. 

And what if she fantasizes about a tan, chiseled, muscle-man and her husband is a 130 pound unsculpted computer whiz? The absurdity of the situation breaks through . . . 

If she shares her "fantasies" with her husband, how will he perform to her satisfaction? He may make a feeble attempt, but he will feel unloved and inadequate in the process (and constantly think that he doesn't live up to his wife's fantasy). 

Because she doesn't need to seek a fantasy; she needs to seek Jesus Christ. 

She does need another Man . . . Jesus Christ. 

The Man who will fulfill her deepest needs utterly and ultimately. The Man who will show her the greener grass of His presence and love and grace.

To bring healing and grace to her relationship with her husband . . . whether the lack of feeling she has for him is a result of her husband's treatment of her over the years and lack of true loving intimacy, or whether it is because she has a wayward heart and a wandering eye. 

She needs Jesus Christ to bring Reality into her relationship with her husband. The Reality of faithfulness. The Reality of perfect love. The Reality that drives out bondage and fear and dissatisfaction. The Reality that brings life. 

Fantasy destroys and distorts. Sex based in fantasy robs the intimate relationship of the Joy of Reality and freedom. Because when we are "Real" we don't need to "perform" for our spouse. We are free to be the men and women that God created us to be. 

Not human sex toys . . . not playthings. 

But beloved children of God. 

I asked my husband, "Can you imagine the Bride of Christ in a hula skirt?" (the sex therapist that I was referencing earlier had brought up a similar scenario in his book for spouses to build an intimate fantasy with).

"I'm trying not to," was his pert reply. 

And I can't. Because the Jesus that I know and love and worship seeks the best for His Bride . . . not a kinky fantasy . . . He is Real and loves. 

Loves us into Real life. His life. 

And the love of Christ pours breath into our hearts.

Not bondage to what is not Real, to fantasy.

But freedom--to love and to live. 

And when we embrace what is Real, we become who we are--sons and daughters of the living God. 


*Using the definition of sexual fantasy as an erotic mental thought of an imaginary situation that one desires to re-enact with another in order to derive pleasure; an escape from Reality into the realm of the imagination/creating an imaginary erotic situation and then inserting one's spouse into it. 

You might find me on these link-ups:

Strangers and Pilgrims on Earth, The Modest Mom, What Joy is Mine, Yes They Are All Ours, Missional Call, A Mama's Story, Mom's the Word, Rich Faith Rising, Time Warp Wife, Cornerstone Confessions, Mom's Morning Coffee, So Much at Home, Raising Homemakers, Hope in Every Season, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Woman to Woman Ministries, Whole-Hearted Home, A Soft Gentle Voice, My Daily Walk in His Grace, Messy Marriage, My Teacher's Name is Mama, The Charm of Home, Graced Simplicity, Children Are A Blessing, Mittenstate Sheep and Wool, Imparting Grace, Preparedness Mama, A Look at the Book, Essential Thing Devotions, Count My Blessings, Beauty Observed, Christian Mommy Blogger, Renewed Daily, Soul Survival, Good Morning Mondays, The HomeAcre Hop, Mommy Moments Link Up, Grace and Truth Linkup, Faith Filled Friday, Saturday Soiree Blog Party, Tell It To Me Tuesdays

An Interview With Audrey Broggi from Mothering From the Heart, Part 1

I am excited to have a very special guest on the blog for the next two weeks for an extended interview. Audrey Broggi is the wife of Dr. Carl Broggi (from Search the Scriptures ministries and the Pastor of Community Bible Church in Beaufort S.C.). Audrey leads the women's ministry there -- Mothering from the Heart -- a ministry that has greatly helped and encouraged me on my own mothering pilgrimage. When I wrote to Audrey, she graciously agreed to do this interview, which I pray will be a great blessing to those who read it. She has been a role-model in my life for her strong and uncompromising stand on Biblical womanhood and parenting. I encourage you to glean from her insights and her Godly, encouraging wisdom from God's Word. 

To begin, would you tell us a little about yourself, including when you became a believer and how your relationship with the Lord Jesus has shaped your life and thinking? 

I was raised in a Christian home, my father was a pastor. Every Wednesday night, two times on Sunday and at home, I sat under his teaching. As I grew up under my parents’ guidance, I began to understand that people are sinners. You know, corporately, out there – big groups of people are sinners. But there came a time in my life – I call it a defining moment - when I was gripped with the fact that it wasn’t just people “in general” who were sinners – but that I, Audrey Hill McKay, was a sinner. This was one of those times in my life - some moments in life are, well, indelibly marked, and you never forget – It was Christmas time and I wanted a baby bright doll. I handled Christmas as a child by wishing for toys, going to see Santa, and then writing a letter and making long lists for him which I would leave on “my chair” in the living room. I also set out cookies and milk for him and I hung every red sock I could find on the mantle. And I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned and woke up in the middle of the night. The Baby Bright Christmas was no exception. I woke up and ran to the door of the living room and there I could see her – Baby Bright. I don’t know if my sister had asked for Baby Bright or not but she had one too.Well, I ran back to my room and shook my sister – “Baby Bright! Baby Bright! She’s here – come see, come see!!” My sister was not interested in the middle of the night – I tried then to wake up my two brothers – but they weren’t interested either. Well, I didn’t want to be up by myself but I sure wanted to hold Baby Bright. So I ran back to the living room and took her out of her box and brought her to bed with me. I don’t know – sometime later – I woke up and tried to wake my sister again but she was still not interested. That’s when I decided to go do Christmas toys by myself. At some point, though, I took a look at my Baby Bright doll and to my horror – her beautiful yellow hair was all messed up. I guess sleeping with her was not a good idea. I tried to fix her hair but couldn’t. Then a thought occurred to me. My sister’s brand new doll still in the box with the hair all in place. So in the quiet of the night – I switched the dolls. No one saw me do it. But I felt so guilty. Well, when my sister finally got up and took a look at her doll, she looked at me and shouted, “You switched the dolls!” “No, I didn’t!” I was not only a thief but a liar. I’m telling you – If I had ever doubted I was a sinner before, I didn’t anymore. I knew that I was a sinner.Now, I was a sinner before that event. But this is the moment when God began to show me that I was a sinner. Not just people in general, but me. Then some time later and I don’t know how much later – what month – or how much time elapsed but sometime later, I was sitting in church as I did every week. I don’t remember what my dad was preaching on that Sunday but I do remember the end of the sermon when he starting preaching the cross and why Jesus died. For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. This was the day God opened my eyes to understand to that Jesus didn’t just die on the cross for sinners in general – but that He died on the cross for me personally. I could believe in Him and He would save me. His death paid for my sin. His resurrection proved it. I didn’t understand everything but I knew I needed a Savior, I knew I wasn’t good enough – I was a thief and a liar and I was a stubborn girl. But Jesus died for me and I trusted in Him. I don’t know how old I was, I don’t know if my parents noticed a difference in me – but I did.

 Were you raised in a Godly family? How did your upbringing aid you in your walk with the Savior? 

As I grew up, though, I kind of drifted along. Ups and downs. A roller coaster spiritual life. I was thankful for my salvation but I must honestly say I did not know how to experience a consistent walk with God. I wanted to share Christ with friends at school. I was afraid, though. Well, another defining moment in my life occurred when I was 19 years old, a sophomore at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. I had a close male friend, not a boyfriend but someone with whom I connected after going away to college. This boy, I’ll call him John, and I had attended junior high together, but I had moved away. Feeling rather lonely when I first got to UNC, John sought me out and I soon discovered I had a friend who lived across the quad from me. We did a lot together our freshman year and then we went our separate ways for summer break. After we returned to school in the fall, I saw John almost every day during the month of September. Most days, we talked about school, our studies, and our old friends. We got tickets for those friends to come to the UNC/South Carolina football game. We laughed a lot and I always looked forward to being with him. I especially remember one defining day, late in September, when we met out in the quad between our dorms. We sat in the grass and talked for two long hours. At first the conversation was light and fun but then John began to open his heart and share some personal things with me. His look turned solemn as he told me how he spent his weekends. He was an excellent sober student during the week, but he transformed into a drunken slobbering fool on the weekends. And for some reason, although we had never talked about the deep things of life, he was turning to me for help. All the time he talked, my heart began to pound. I got nervous - and I knew I needed to tell him about Jesus and the hope of the gospel. The more John talked, the more my heart pounded. But I kept silent. See, I was one of those Christians who talked Jesus with others who talked Jesus. Well the conversation ended with no talk of Jesus. But I intended to talk with John about Jesus – later. Two weeks later on a defining Monday morning – I looked for John in the usual spot we met between classes. I waited and waited until I could wait no longer or I would be late for class. He must be sick, I thought – this guy had never missed a day of school since kindergarten. After class, I decided to bake some cookies and take them over to him. While I was mixing the dough, my sister called me. I will never forget her question, “Did you hear about John?” I said, “No ~ but he must be sick,” “No,” she said, “He’s not sick – he’s dead.” I was stunned. She then read the article that appeared in the campus newspaper. John and his roommate were drunk, left the keg party in their room to get more beer and on their way back to campus, their car wrapped around a tree and John never gained consciousness. He died two hours later at the hospital. It was early in October, and on that day, my world closed in around me. Time stopped and I wondered how life could go on. I remember going to classes in a blur and wondering how students could go about life as if nothing had happened. I knew people “in general” died, but death had never personally affected me. No friends or family close to me had died.But now, my friend was dead. Not just an acquaintance. But a real friend. And I had no idea if he knew the Lord. I remembered and re-lived that conversation in the quad all semester. I was sad, very sad, maybe even clinically depressed for 2 months, barely getting through my classes. His death, but mostly my guilt weighed heavily on my mind. For me, all kinds of thoughts entered my mind that I wrestled with: “What was wrong with me? I know Jesus Christ. I know John needed Jesus Christ. Why was I so afraid to speak of Him? Did I really believe that Jesus Christ was the most important thing in my life? And what was the point? Why hadn’t I shared Christ with John? My life was useless for God.” However, instead of continuing to wallow in sadness and depression, I asked God for His help. I told Him that I didn’t want to live a roller-coaster life. I didn’t want to float through life being afraid to speak of Him. I wanted my life to be defined by Him. But, the question loomed in my mind, why was this gospel so difficult to share? Could it be that there was something missing in my own Christianity? I wanted answers. I asked God to help me grow. Psalm 34:18: “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted, And saves those who are crushed in spirit.” I was truly crushed in spirit. God heard me and two months later – through an odd turn of events; I was on my way to a Christian conference designed for college students. It would turn out to be not just a defining moment but a defining week in my life.It was there that it seemed God was speaking directly to me. Just like He had all those years before when I switched the dolls. It was like I was the only one there. It was like the speakers that week had read all about me, knew my every thought, understood my broken heart. It was like they knew me in a personal way and were there to give some answers, to take away the fog, to impart God’s purposes for me. Well, they didn’t know all about me – but God did. And as they shared their hearts and opened God’s Word – God spoke directly to me - through His word. This would be the beginning of a closeness with God that I had yearned for all my life. A beginning of a journey for me. 

Please join us next week for part 2 . . . 


You might find me on these link-ups:

Strangers and Pilgrims on Earth, The Modest Mom, What Joy is Mine, Yes They Are All Ours, Missional Call, A Mama's Story, Mom's the Word, Rich Faith Rising, Time Warp Wife, Cornerstone Confessions, Mom's Morning Coffee, So Much at Home, Raising Homemakers, Hope in Every Season, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Woman to Woman Ministries, Whole-Hearted Home, A Soft Gentle Voice, My Daily Walk in His Grace, Messy Marriage, My Teacher's Name is Mama, The Charm of Home, Graced Simplicity, Children Are A Blessing, Mittenstate Sheep and Wool, Imparting Grace, Preparedness Mama, A Look at the Book, Essential Thing Devotions, Count My Blessings, Beauty Observed, Christian Mommy Blogger, Renewed Daily, Soul Survival, Good Morning Mondays, The HomeAcre Hop, Mommy Moments Link Up, Grace and Truth Linkup, Faith Filled Friday, Saturday Soiree Blog Party

Stretched into Strength--Finding Grace in the Monotony of Stay-At-Home-Mothering

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And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.

~ Galatians 6:9 NKJV

4pm. 

The most difficult time of the day for me. 

I'm a stay-at-home mom--

To an eight-month-old and a two-year-old. 

4 pm -- the time when my creativity is waning, when we've read the same book over and over again, when the blocks are not enticing anymore.

The time when the baby is especially fussy and when my two-year-old is getting edgy. 

4pm in the heart of winter--

When we can't go outside because of the cold, when my eyes keep drifting to the clock on my desk and pleading silently for the minute hands to move 

just a little faster. 

Stay-at-home-mothering has drawn me to the Lord in ways that I never experienced--

Challenged me in ways I've never been challenged--

The Lord is building tensile strength--

I remember Elisabeth Elliot writing about it -- tensile strength -- capable of being drawn out or stretched--

Little did I realize then, what it would take, how painful the stretching -- centimeter by agonizing centimeter--

And how  often my heart would cry -- Enough!

This is too much for me, Lord -- too painful, 

And I don't think that I can bear it anymore. 

But then the Lord reaching down and speaking, Trust Me. 

Trust Me, 

Trust Me. 

And the stretching would continue.

We pray to the Lord, we pour out our devotion -- we ascend to the mountaintop and we are inspired--

To raise godly children--

To walk continually in the presence of the Lord,

To pray without ceasing.

The mountaintop is a beautiful place.

But then the Lord brings us down into the valley--

The valley where we cannot see the mountaintop so well -- it looks so far away--

And He stretches us--

Through monotony, through the mundane activities of daily life, through the trials and testings that He brings into our lives in order to draw us closer to himself.

He brings us into the valley.

Oswald Chambers puts it this way--

We have all experienced times of exaltation on the mountain, when we have seen things from God’s perspective and have wanted to stay there. But God will never allow us to stay there. The true test of our spiritual life is in exhibiting the power to descend from the mountain. If we only have the power to go up, something is wrong. It is a wonderful thing to be on the mountain with God, but a person only gets there so that he may later go down and lift up the demon-possessed people in the valley (see Mark 9:14-18). We are not made for the mountains, for sunrises, or for the other beautiful attractions in life— those are simply intended to be moments of inspiration. We are made for the valley and the ordinary things of life, and that is where we have to prove our stamina and strength. Yet our spiritual selfishness always wants repeated moments on the mountain. We feel that we could talk and live like perfect angels, if we could only stay on the mountaintop. Those times of exaltation are exceptional and they have their meaning in our life with God, but we must beware to prevent our spiritual selfishness from wanting to make them the only time.

We just can't  stay on the mountain of inspiration and resolve and soaring high--

The valley beckons -- the painful valley where hard lessons had to be learned--

Lessons that the Lord will use to build tensile strength in our souls--

Strength that can withstand pressure, strength to press on. 

The Lord is our strength . . . 

Even at 4 pm.

At 4 pm, I can't escape. I can't take a "coffee break," I can't go shopping alone to relieve some of my stress. 

I can't spend uninterrupted time with the Lord to stabilize my weary heart, body, and mind with His Word. 

I have to cry out to the Lord in the moment, recall a verse to mind that I have committed to memory, take each minute at a time, and trust in Him for strength and grace through my weakness. 

I have to cling to Him as I go and do the next thing that I am able.

I have to pour myself out and minister to these little souls when I feel like I am the one who needs ministering to--

Me, me, me--

I'm tired; I'm hungry, 

I just want a break.

But I can't have it--

And this is where tensile strength is built. 

I could crumble -- sometimes I do -- sometimes I dissolve in tears--

But then I cry out to the Lord and He picks me up as I hold on to His strength--

He can do it through me--

Not I, but Christ--

Stay-at home mothering has built in me tensile strength that nothing else has been able to do. 

Nights that I am awake in the wee hours, comforting, feeding, loving--

Mornings when I just want a few minutes to myself, but a child needs me -- feed them breakfast, change a diaper, pray with them, get them dressed... 

An event where I just want to talk to other adults, but a little one claims my hand and my lap and my heart--

Days that go by when I'm not able to wash my hair or take a shower or read a book--

They are so little -- and their needs are so great. 

In a moment, they will be grown--

Do I want to waste these precious days worrying about my own needs, or will I pour myself out?

Will I allow the Lord to pull me through, to build tensile strength -- strength in Him, or will I melt under the pressure, the pressure of monotony and minutes ticking, ticking, ticking--

Or will I take each moment as a gift, pray through my moments, surrender them to Jesus, 

Trust Him to help me when the baby is fussy, fussy, fussy, and the two-year-old is clamoring for love and attention?

It is worth it -- it is worth it -- it is worth it -- pouring ourselves out for these little ones who are eternal souls, bringing them to Jesus, nurturing, loving, caring for--

We are doing it for Him...

And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones who is my disciple, truly I tell you, that person will certainly not lose their reward. (Matthew 10:42)

Never forget, we are doing it for Him...

And He is building tensile strength -- when we take His grace for each moment -- when we reach to Him in our need in our weakness, when we surrender.

He is there.

And we can trust Him.

Even when we feel weak, even when we think that we just can't bear the stretching any more--

He is building tensile strength.

Especially at 4pm.

  

You might find me on these link-ups:

Strangers and Pilgrims on Earth, The Modest Mom, What Joy is Mine, Yes They Are All Ours, Missional Call, A Mama's Story, Mom's the Word, Rich Faith Rising, Time Warp Wife, Cornerstone Confessions, Mom's Morning Coffee, So Much at Home, Raising Homemakers, Hope in Every Season, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Woman to Woman Ministries, Whole-Hearted Home, A Soft Gentle Voice, My Daily Walk in His Grace, Messy Marriage, My Teacher's Name is Mama, The Charm of Home, Graced Simplicity, Children Are A Blessing, Mittenstate Sheep and Wool, Imparting Grace, Preparedness Mama, A Look at the Book, Essential Thing Devotions, Count My Blessings, Beauty Observed, Christian Mommy Blogger, Renewed Daily, Soul Survival, Good Morning Mondays, The HomeAcre Hop, Mommy Moments Link Up, Grace and Truth Linkup, Faith Filled Friday, Saturday Soiree Blog Party