Grace in the (Midwest) Wilderness

Bare heights of loneliness...a wilderness whose burning winds sweep over glowing sands, what are they to HIM? Even there He can refresh us, even there He can renew us.
~ Amy Carmichael

I moved here last Fall with a heavy heart and with hope in a Sovereign, loving Father who was directing my steps. 

My Presence shall go with you and I will give you rest. (Exodus 33:14)

I moved here just as the corn was ripening and the earth was growing brown and as the first splendor of Autumn was descending like a harvest angel over the vast, glorious landscape. 

I moved here in fear and trembling, an abundance of tissues beside me, not knowing when I would see my beloved family again. 

Just as the corn was growing ripe.

I moved here with a promise--

My Presence will go with you and I will give you rest . . .

And with the words of the missionary David Livingstone etched on my raw, bleeding heart--

God, send me anywhere, only go with me. Lay any burden on me, only sustain me. And sever any tie in my heart except the tie that binds my heart to Yours.

The Lord sent me here. I know that as I know that blood flows through my veins and that there is breath in my lungs. 

The Lord sent me here. 

Here with my two little ones and with my husband, here to do what He had called us to do so long ago, here through the pain to follow Him. 

Because I love Him more . . . because of His grace. And with trembling hands I have held out the sacrifice and then grasped it back and then held out trembling hands again-

If we hold tightly to anything given to us unwilling to allow it to be used as the Giver means it to be used we stunt the growth of the soul. What God gives us is not necessarily "ours" but only ours to offer back to him, ours to relinquish, ours to lose, ours to let go of, if we want to be our true selves. Many deaths must go into reaching our maturity in Christ, many letting goes. 
~Elisabeth Elliot

For Him to take and to give life.

In November, I inwardly shuddered when it snowed before Thanksgiving, when the cold crept in like the night overtaking the sweet glory of day. I wondered what the winter would be like.

Here. Alone. Without even a car for most of the week as my husband and I were sharing a vehicle. 

In a cold, drafty house, with two very little ones--would I make it? Could I do it? 

I couldn't. But He could through me. And I learned that 

. . . to be left alone is not always to be forsaken."
~George MacDonald

There was a breakthrough for me at one point as I struggled to find joy amidst ashes. 

One morning, a bleak, overcast December morning, this Scripture came to me with strength and power and hope as I prayed to the Lord for strength--like a spiritual whisper to my heart--

The joy of the Lord is my strength. (Nehemiah 8:10)

The joy of the Lord is my strength . . . hope, refreshment, life--as the Lord placed into my aching open hands the promise of His strength.

Joy with my children . . . joy with my husband . . . joy in Him . . . 

In Him, in Him. 

Grace in the wilderness. Where everything seemed barren and bleak--a wasteland where the reaped corn looked like jagged teeth standing crookedly from the snow. 

Grace. 

And one of the highlights of that year was attending the Christmas service at the church where the Lord mercifully directed us--singing the hymns, listening to the Gospel preached powerfully and with a pleading for souls, enjoying the sincere love and fellowship of other believers . . . 

My heart was filled with grace.

Grace through brokenness, grace through loneliness, grace through pain,

Grace in the wilderness because-

“Of one thing I am perfectly sure: God's story never ends with 'ashes.” 
~Elisabeth Elliot

And it hasn't. 

You might find me on these link-ups:

Strangers and Pilgrims on Earth, Inspire Me Monday, Literacy Musing Mondays, The Modest Mom, What Joy is Mine, A Mama's Story, Mom's the Word, Rich Faith Rising, Cornerstone Confessions, Mom's Morning Coffee, Raising Homemakers, Classical Homemaking, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Woman to Woman Ministries,  Testimony Tuesday, Tell His Story, Women With Intention Wednesdays, Messy Marriage,  Graced Simplicity, Children Are A Blessing, Imparting Grace, Thought Provoking Thursday, Soul Survival, Good Morning Mondays, The Weekend Brew, Counting My Blessings, The HomeAcre Hop, Mommy Moments Link Up, Grace and Truth Linkup, Faith Filled Friday, Tell It To Me Tuesdays, SHINE Blog Hop, A Little R&R Wednesdays. TGI Saturdays Blog Hop, RaRaLinkup, Word of God Speak, Booknificent Thursday, Living Proverbs 31, Sharing His Beauty Blog Linkup, Coffee For Your Heart Weekly LinkUp, You're the Star Blog Hop, Homesteader Hop, Fresh Market Friday