A Knife Dipped in Blood~~The Deadly Peril of Pornography

This post is part of a series of posts on marriage/relationships. I pray that this "mini-series" would be a blessing to you! Please feel free to share any of your own thoughts in the comments; I would love to hear them! 


If you are new to this series, you can find the Introduction HERE, Part 1 HERE , Part 2 HERE, Part 3 HERE, Part 4 HERE., and Part 5 HERE.

Please Note: This post contains adult material that is not suitable for children. 

We use a most unfortunate idiom when we say, of a lustful man prowling the streets, that he “wants a woman.” Strictly speaking, a woman is just what he does not want.

He wants a pleasure for which a woman happens to be the necessary piece of apparatus. How much he cares about the woman as such may be gauged by his attitude to her five minutes after fruition (one does not keep the carton after one has smoked the cigarettes).

Now Eros makes a man really want, not a woman, but one particular woman. In some mysterious but quite indisputable fashion the lover desires the Beloved herself, not the pleasure she can give.
~C.S. Lewis

Lust is a poor, weak, whimpering, whispering thing compared with that richness and energy of desire which will arise when lust has been killed.
~C.S. Lewis

I can still remember a sermon I heard years ago from Dr. Charles Swindoll. I was listening to the local Christian radio station in the car and I had pulled into the driveway. He was talking about the danger of pornography. An image that he used cut into my soul in a way that made me shudder. I don't remember all of the specifics of the sermon, but one description stayed with me. He carefully depicted the way in which (I think that perhaps it was the Eskimos) would dip a knife in blood in order to kill a wolf. They would cover the blade in the scarlet substance, and then place the razor-sharp edge sticking up out of the snow. The wolf, hungry, would smell the blood and begin licking the knife. Eventually, as you can imagine, his own tongue would be cut and he would begin to lick his own blood without realizing it. In this way, he would feed on his own blood, ultimately bleeding to death and perishing in the bitter cold. 

Swindoll then went on to relate this story to the manner in which pornography slowly weakens and then kills the soul. 

Pornography. We think that it will feed us, satisfy us. But instead of nourishing, it actually accomplishes the opposite. It drains us of all that is true and pure and good. 

Sometimes it seems so innocent. A little taste here; a lick there. Until the stream begins to flow and we are strangling on our own blood. 

Pornography destroys. It crushes. We think that it is giving satisfaction, but it is really robbing us of that which is truly life-giving.

We live in a time when it is looked upon so lightly, laughed off, even--Oh, every man struggles with that--

But I believe that in not adopting a more serious attitude toward this sin, we weaken ourselves, we weaken our marriages, we weaken the church as a whole, and we become unfit for ministry in any way. 

We need to take pornography seriously. We need to kill lust in our lives before it kills us, before it kills our families, before it kills our souls and sears our conscience until it is dead. 

Our families are at stake. Our marriages are at stake. Our souls are at stake. 

You have heard that it was said to those of old,‘You shall not commit adultery.’But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell. (Matthew 5:27-29 NKJV)

 Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s. (I Corinthians 6:18-20 NKJV)

We may so weaken the voice of the Spirit in this area that we will be rendered spiritually useless. I believe that this happens in many men's lives (as well as women's) and this is one of the reasons that the Church is so powerless and ineffective today. 

These are three ways that I believe pornography damages and destroys and then ultimately kills the soul--I am sure that there are more--

It damages our marriages

Pornography kills romance. It deadens our own souls against the soul of our spouse. I know that some may disagree with me, but I believe that viewing pornography when one is married is quietly committing adultery against their partner. This is why the Bible exhorts us to "flee immorality." Because it is so grievously damaging. Besides hurting ourselves, it also wounds the ones we claim to love. The late Pastor Adrian Rogers said that once a man breaks trust with his wife in his marriage, it may take years to repair the breach because a woman's emotions are so sensitive. Many men feel that pornography is no big deal and that women just need to get over it. But I believe that it may be difficult even after the woman has genuinely forgiven her husband, to  easily "get over" her husband's actions. The sting of his deception and betrayal may remain for years and make it difficult for her to relate to her husband sexually or in other ways. This is one of the consequences of "soft" adultery. 

It damages our relationship with God

Pornography immediately places a barrier in terms of our relationship with God. The more that we view it and engage in practices associated with it, the more our hearts are hardened, our consciences are seared, and we deaden the voice of the Holy Spirit. 

It damages the church as a whole

Because we are weakened spiritually when we engage in viewing pornography, the church as a whole suffers. There is sin "in the camp," and so the church cannot go forward spiritually. I truly believe that this is one of the reasons for the weakness of the American church--unconfessed sin that is taken lightly and is causing our souls to rot in the blazing sun. Only true repentance and turning away from sin will bring cleansing and revival. 

~~~

Lust needs to be killed in our lives, not stroked gently, not hidden away and then taken back out, not ignored, but killed. 

Ultimately, feeding on lust shows that we are seeking satisfaction outside of Christ. We are discontent and that discontentment flows into the utter selfishness of taking that which promises to fill our deepest need. 

We are empty and so we seek a temporary fix. We fill our souls with poison and refuse the Great Physician who would heal us if we would only run to Him, run to the Self-Giving One who alone can satisfy us.

I speak mostly to men, but I know that there are also women who struggle in this area. 

I'd like to add a note here--the answer to a man's problem with pornography is not ultimately that his wife needs to fulfill him more sexually. It is true that a woman is biblically constrained  to join together with her husband (I Corinthians 7:3-5). It is also true that this becomes a joy when her husband treats her with gentleness and loves her as Christ loves the church and that it becomes a painful act of obedience when she is not treated that way. 

A man's problem with pornography is not ultimately the failing of his wife, but the failing of his own disobedience and failure to resist evil through the power of the Holy Spirit.

We need to take responsibility for our own actions and stop placing the blame on someone else--stop using someone else's perceived disobedience to give us an excuse to continue sinning. And we do this when we blame our wives (or husbands) for our sin when we feel that they are failing to fulfill us sexually. 

What we need is not an attitude of making excuses and of indulging the flesh, but an attitude of cutting off that which is causing us to sin. 

There is a scene in the movie Fireproof where the main character Caleb, uses a baseball bat to destroy his computer. He is struggling with pornography and realizes that he needs to get rid of that which is causing him to stumble.  His wife is not fulfilling him sexually (which he gives earlier as one of his excuses for looking at pornography). But then Caleb turns to the Lord in repentance and begins to treat his wife in a loving, sincere, and gentle way. It takes time because he has wounded her so deeply, but eventually his wife responds to him and their love is rekindled. 

There are times when we need to "cut off our hand," and nothing is too radical if it is causing our relationship with Jesus Christ to suffer and our soul to wither and die. 

Do you struggle with pornography? Repent, turn to the Lord and He will give you the strength to overcome it. 

I have read articles that talk about how the pornographic images that a man or woman sees may never be erased because of the chemicals that seeing these images triggers. 

I believe that this is true, hence the peril of exposing oneself to these images--but I also believe that the Lord is able to miraculously redeem all things and to remove our sins as far as the east is from the west. 

I believe that the Lord is able to refresh and restore marriages, hearts, and consciences that are seared when we turn to Him and turn away from that which is destroying our souls. He is able to redeem. He will redeem. 

So turn to Him. Turn away from the darkness and deception of self fulfillment and let your fulfillment be found in the Person of Jesus Christ. 

He is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all that we ask or think. He can cleanse and purify. And He will--to those who run to Him. 

.

This was a helpful article for further reading (clickable link).



You might find me on these link-ups:


Strangers and Pilgrims on Earth, Inspire Me Monday, Literacy Musing Mondays, The Modest Mom, What Joy is Mine, A Mama's Story, Mom's the Word, Rich Faith Rising, Cornerstone Confessions, Mom's Morning Coffee, Raising Homemakers, Classical Homemaking, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Woman to Woman Ministries,  Testimony Tuesday, Tell His Story, Women With Intention Wednesdays, Messy Marriage,  Graced Simplicity, Children Are A Blessing, Imparting Grace, Thought Provoking Thursday, Soul Survival, Good Morning Mondays, The Weekend Brew, Counting My Blessings, The HomeAcre Hop, Mommy Moments Link Up, Grace and Truth Linkup, Faith Filled Friday, Tell It To Me Tuesdays, SHINE Blog Hop, TGI Saturdays Blog Hop, RaRaLinkup, Word of God Speak, Booknificent Thursday, Living Proverbs 31, Sharing His Beauty Blog Linkup, Coffee For Your Heart Weekly LinkUp, You're the Star Blog Hop, Homesteader Hop, Fresh Market Friday, Heart Encouragement Thursday , Sitting Among Friends Blog Party

Monthly Book Giveaway~~The Pilgrim's Progress

Oh, I am so happy to continue these Monthly Book Giveaways! I had taken a break from them for awhile during a season of transition in my life but I am so excited to return to them now! I pray that they will bless you as they have blessed me. The only thing better than reading a good book is being able to share that book with another precious soul. :-)

And so, without further ado, this month's giveaway is for a copy of John Bunyan's The Pilgrim's Progress. This tremendous book has been used by the Lord in the hearts and lives of so many countless believers. Indeed, it is amazing how the Lord works His greatest beauty through times of trial and adversity. Bunyan wrote this book in prison, suffering for the Lord's sake, and its beautiful message still resonates with believers today on a worldwide level. 

Brief description of The Pilgrim's Progress (from CBD):

Once the most deeply cherished book in English-speaking households other than Bible itself, John Bunyan's The Pilgrim's Progress is the allegorical tale of Christian the pilgrim on his journey to the Celestial City. Along the way, Christian encounters both worthy companions and dreadful adversaries. Although this book was written more than three hundred years ago, this stirring spiritual narrative still bears the power to challenge and encourage readers on their own spiritual journeys.

Please enter the giveaway below and share about it with a friend! 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

You might find me on these link-ups:


Strangers and Pilgrims on Earth, Inspire Me Monday, Literacy Musing Mondays, The Modest Mom, What Joy is Mine, A Mama's Story, Mom's the Word, Rich Faith Rising, Cornerstone Confessions, Mom's Morning Coffee, Raising Homemakers, Classical Homemaking, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Woman to Woman Ministries,  Testimony Tuesday, Tell His Story, Women With Intention Wednesdays, Messy Marriage,  Graced Simplicity, Children Are A Blessing, Imparting Grace, Thought Provoking Thursday, Soul Survival, Good Morning Mondays, The Weekend Brew, Counting My Blessings, The HomeAcre Hop, Mommy Moments Link Up, Grace and Truth Linkup, Faith Filled Friday, Tell It To Me Tuesdays, SHINE Blog Hop, TGI Saturdays Blog Hop, RaRaLinkup, Word of God Speak, Booknificent Thursday, Living Proverbs 31, Sharing His Beauty Blog Linkup, Coffee For Your Heart Weekly LinkUp, You're the Star Blog Hop, Homesteader Hop, Fresh Market Friday, Heart Encouragement Thursday , Sitting Among Friends Blog Party

Husbands of Blood--Strong Women and their Faithful God

Note: This post is part of a series of posts on marriage/relationships. I pray that this "mini-series" would be a blessing to you! Please feel free to share any of your own thoughts in the comments; I would love to hear them! 


If you are new to this series, you can find the Introduction HERE, Part 1 HERE , Part 2 HERE, Part 3 HERE, and Part 4 HERE. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My sister burst through our front door, pug-in-arms, a smile on her face, rambling about a lesser-known woman in the Bible--one she'd been thinking about--Zipporah, the wife of Moses. 

Chattering on about strong women in the Bible (one of her favorites is Jael, bearer of the tent peg :-)) she stepped into my living room-- 

The conversation that ensued from her insights is what initially sparked this post. I needed direction for my marriage series. Her wisdom steered my thinking and helped me to focus my thoughts. 

Before I really delve into this post, I want to be clear about what "direction" I am coming from. I believe that a man is the head of his family under Christ. I believe in a traditional, Biblical view of manhood and womanhood. That men and women are equal under the headship and authority of Christ, but that both have their unique and distinct roles.

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. (Ephesians 5:22-23)

But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. Every man praying or prophesying, having his head covered, dishonors his head. But every woman who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head, for that is one and the same as if her head were shaved. For if a woman is not covered, let her also be shorn. But if it is shameful for a woman to be shorn or shaved, let her be covered. For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God; but woman is the glory of man. For man is not from woman, but woman from man. Nor was man created for the woman, but woman for the man.  For this reason the woman ought to have a symbol of authority on her head, because of the angels. Nevertheless, neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord. For as woman came from man, even so man also comes through woman; but all things are from God.  (I Corinthians 11:3-12)


An understanding of that view helps to lay the foundation for this article. Because where I am taking these thoughts veers away from the usual direction that this flow of thinking leads. 

I want to provide three examples of strong women in the Bible and where their obedience led them and what that meant for their relationship toward their male counterpart in terms with their walk with their Heavenly Father. I want to apply their obedience to our lives today. 

Because the usual conclusion of a traditional view of male headship is that the man, ultimately, has the last word. Even if the wife disagrees, even if her husband is wrong, even if the husband is grossly sinning, the wife is to submit to his leadership and authority. 

I believe that this is an unbiblical strain of thinking when carried out in the individual lives of believing women who fear God. 

There are times when we do stay silent and pray. At times, the Spirit directs us in this way. And then there are times when we lovingly confront our husbands and our wisdom helps to turn them from a sinful or unwise path.  And finally there are times when directed by the Holy Spirit that we separate ourselves from the decisions of our husbands in order to obey a greater authority--our Father who is above all. 

We live in a devastatingly fallen world, where circumstances are not always "normal". 

And sometimes we are called to walk outside of the normal "box." 

Not in a spirit of rebellion, but in a spirit of utter and complete submission to God's authority, even when it might mean upsetting the boat and angering a husband who is on a path of sinful rebellion or explicit and continual disobedience. 

I think that it is important to remember that our husbands are not God. We love them, we honor them, we respect their position and authority, but ultimately they are not God--the ultimate Head. And obedience to His authority and wisdom should prevail in our lives. 

There are times when obeying God will mean that we "disobey" our husbands. It will cause us pain. It must be done extremely prayerfully. And it is Biblical. 

I want to explain this using three examples--these three strike me the most powerfully in Scripture, and I would encourage you to actually go to the texts and ask the Lord to reveal His wisdom through them to you--these are my own reflections and understanding of the passages. 

• Abigail and Nabal~I Samuel 25 

The account of Abigail and Nabal has always fascinated me. If you aren't familiar with the story, I would encourage you to read it in full--that is so important to gaining a right understanding of the text. But the jist of the story is this: 

Abigail, a beautiful, wise woman (I Samuel 25:3) is married to a man named Nabal. Nabal, a very rich man, is described as surly, harsh, and ultimately lacking in wisdom. He pompously refuses to help David and his men, arrogantly ignoring David's request for provisions. David, who has helped and protected Nabal, is angered by Nabal's response. He determines to fight Nabal and his men, leaving no one alive. 

Abigail learns of what is transpiring. One of her servants tells her-

Look, David sent messengers from the wilderness to greet our master; and he reviled them. But the men were very good to us, and we were not hurt, nor did we miss anything as long as we accompanied them, when we were in the fields. They were a wall to us both by night and day, all the time we were with them keeping the sheep. Now therefore, know and consider what you will do, for harm is determined against our master and against all his household. For he is such a scoundrel that one cannot speak to him. (I Samuel 25;14-17)

Abigail then directly goes against the will of her husband in order to protect and save her household. She orders that her donkey be saddled up, provisions be brought to David and his men, and travels herself to explain the situation. 

In this way, she saves her household, prevents David from vengefully shedding blood, and gains the confidence and trust of David. 

Abigail is not afraid to call Nabal what he is in accordance with how he is acting--a fool (I Samuel 25:25). She explains her husband's stubbornness and pride to David unashamedly and without protecting her husband in any way--as her husband has consistently and arrogantly defied God without repentance. 

The Lord acted on behalf of Abigail. As the account goes, she returned home without telling Nabal what had happened until the next day, as he was drunk when she came home at night. 

The Lord struck Nabal and he died within 10 days. David ultimately asked Abigail to become his wife. One can only imagine the joy that Abigail experienced in this after being married to such a cruel and unrighteous man. 

Here, in the account of Abigail and Nabal, we see a godly woman responding to the foolish actions of her rebellious, unbelieving husband. There is absolutely no condemnation for Abigails's actions. It is clear that she acted wisely in accordance with God's will, even though her actions directly conflicted her husband's. Abigail acted independently of her husband's wishes in order to obey a greater authority when the situation called for it. 

• Zipporah and Moses~Exodus 4:24-26

This is a short passage, so I'll include it here--

And it came to pass on the way, at the encampment, that the Lord met him and sought to kill him. Then Zipporah took a sharp stone and cut off the foreskin of her son and cast it at Moses’ feet, and said, “Surely you are a husband of blood to me!” So He let him go. Then she said, “You are a husband of blood!”—because of the circumcision. Exodus 4:24-26

This is a story that I have honestly never given much thought to, until recently. But it is intriguing to me. Moses, a great man of God, in the midst of serving the Lord, had neglected a direct command of God to him and to the people of Israel. I believe, from Zipporah's response, that he was aware of it. Perhaps he was so busy with leading the children of Israel, that he had just put this "small" thing off. His son was not circumcised. Moses just hadn't gotten around to obeying that particular command. But in God's eyes, it was not a small matter--the text says that because of this act of disobedience, "the Lord met him and sought to kill him." Well!  Zipporah, wise woman that she was, took the initiative and circumcised her son immediately, throwing the foreskin at her husband's feet. This story makes me think that those Hebrew women meant business! If her husband wasn't going to obey the Lord, then she would assume the spiritual leadership in that situation at that time and do it herself. In actuality, she took on the role of priest in her action, as the priest was responsible for circumcision.

And so here we have Moses, a believing, disobedient husband--his wife acted independently of him when his disobedience would negatively affect the family. There are times when we may have to act apart from our husband when he is being spiritually lazy or disobedient so that our family is not compromised. 

Let me give a practical example here. Our husbands should be leading our families in prayer and devotions, but if they are not or will not or are complacent about doing it or do not do it consistently (and we have repeatedly asked them to do this), I believe that the wife should step in and fulfill this role where possible. The spiritual stability of the family depends upon it. This is a time where we should act independently of our husbands . 

• Deborah and Barak~ Judges 4

This is obviously not a a situation that involves a husband and wife, rather a man and a woman interacting with one another. 

Reading the account of Deborah and Barak, one will see that Deborah was in a position of leadership; she was a judge in Israel. Barak, commander of the army was unwilling to lead (out of fear) his army to victory against Sisera. Deborah exhorts him to lead the army and he agrees, but only if Deborah will go with him. She agrees, but declares that there will be no honor in the victory for Barak because he would not obey without her. And so Deborah goes, fearlessly leading the Israelite army with Barak; she obtains the honor in the victory. 

This third example shows a weak man who would only obey if Deborah went with him. They switched roles in that instance, she being the leader, and he the support (opposite of the traditional way that the Lord intended). 

There are times when we must push our families forward  in the ways of the Lord when our husband is unwilling to lead and he will follow us as Barak did with Deborah. 

My conclusion from these Biblical passages is that there are times that we act independently of our husbands or of male leadership if it goes against the leadership of God. 

We do this not out of rebellion, or in a spirit of feministic independence but because we are accountable to a higher authority, and before Him one day every knee will bow. 

We do it in humility, we do it with His strength, we do it with dignity, we do it because we love Him. He will honor that costly obedience. And give all grace. 





You might find me on these link-ups:


Strangers and Pilgrims on Earth, Inspire Me Monday, Literacy Musing Mondays, The Modest Mom, What Joy is Mine, A Mama's Story, Mom's the Word, Rich Faith Rising, Cornerstone Confessions, Mom's Morning Coffee, Raising Homemakers, Classical Homemaking, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Woman to Woman Ministries,  Testimony Tuesday, Tell His Story, Women With Intention Wednesdays, Messy Marriage,  Graced Simplicity, Children Are A Blessing, Imparting Grace, Thought Provoking Thursday, Soul Survival, Good Morning Mondays, The Weekend Brew, Counting My Blessings, The HomeAcre Hop, Mommy Moments Link Up, Grace and Truth Linkup, Faith Filled Friday, Tell It To Me Tuesdays, SHINE Blog Hop, TGI Saturdays Blog Hop, RaRaLinkup, Word of God Speak, Booknificent Thursday, Living Proverbs 31, Sharing His Beauty Blog Linkup, Coffee For Your Heart Weekly LinkUp, You're the Star Blog Hop, Homesteader Hop, Fresh Market Friday

Esther, Delilah, and the Power of a Woman

Note: This post is part of a series of posts on marriage/relationships. I pray that this "mini-series" would be a blessing to you! Please feel free to share any of your own thoughts in the comments; I would love to hear them! 


If you are new to this series, you can find the Introduction HERE, Part 1 HERE , Part 2 HERE, and Part 3 HERE.

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Our Pastor has been going through the book of Esther on Sunday mornings. I've really been enjoying this series and it has prompted me to think about the character of Esther  
and her flint-like obedience to God's direction in her life at any cost. 

I remember a film that I watched years ago about Queen Esther. I was so disappointed in it because instead of portraying Esther as a beautiful woman strong in conviction and in her God, she was portrayed as flimsy, overly-girly, and trite--characteristics that I never imagined in a woman willing to risk her life to save her people. 

Esther, the biblical Esther, was a strong woman, a beautiful woman, a woman of hope and grace, a woman who stood firm in the greatest difficulty. 

There is strength in gentleness and true conviction. There is strength in obedience and trust in God. There is strength in waiting and prayer and quietness and then finally, action. 

Esther displays all of these virtues in a beautiful, mysterious way. She captivates the king not only with her physical attractiveness, but with her gentle, quiet spirit. She also captivates the king with her strength of character and willingness to place her own life in danger to save her people. 

In other words, she feared Almighty God more than the King of Persia. What an example to us. 

Esther's people, the Jews, were in grave danger. Their lives were threatened by a wicked man, Haman, who wanted to completely and Satanically, obliterate them. 

And so Esther, in a position of power, was called upon. With dignity, grace, and determination, she accepted the plea of her Uncle Mordecai to approach the king and to plead for the lives of the Jewish people. 

She went to the king, risking her own life.

And then, Queen Esther used no manipulation, no formula, no pouting or whimpering or beating around the bush when she made her argument. She refused to grovel. 

She sensitively laid out her case, using the means of fasting and prayer, showing that her trust was ultimately in God, not in an earthly king. 

There is a mystical, spiritual power behind a woman whose hope is in the Lord. And that power is the Holy Spirit, alive and working in and through her to accomplish the will of the Father.

The man heard Esther. Both kings, Heavenly and earthly, stooped to her plea. 

Esther and her people were safe. 

The will of the Father was accomplished. Her people were saved and the enemy vanquished. 

There is something to be said here also for King Xerxes. He could have ignored Esther. He could have pridefully refused to hear her. But he didn't; his heart was moved--the work of the Father God and his own willingness to listen to a woman offering him wisdom. I believe that the beauty of Esther's spirit had softened his heart--and this was all orchestrated by the Lord. But he could have chosen not to be softened. 

And I speak to the woman here who thinks--but I've done that! I've tried to walk with the Lord in dignity and honesty and trust. Not perfectly, but in obedience to the Father. I've tried to walk with the Lord as Esther did, and my husband still will not listen to me when I offer him wisdom.

The only answer here is that there is no guarantee. There is no guarantee that a husband will listen.  And this is where our relationship with Jesus Christ comes before even that most intimate relationship with our husband. Because Christ is our Heavenly Husband --and our ultimate aim must be to please Him, leaving our husband's heart in His hands and moving forward with the Lord in obedient trust and walking uprightly with the Father. Even if he will not listen. The Lord will honor your obedience, as painful as that situation is . . . 

Another strong woman comes to mind. 

The woman Delilah--the woman partly responsible for Samson's downfall and shame. The woman whose honey-lips and tantalizing perfume lured Samson to his demise. The woman who stole Samson's heart away from his Heavenly Father for a season. 

The woman who Samson just could not resist . . . and yet, could have, had he made different choices leading up to her betrayal. 

Delilah used her female charms to pull the so-called "wool" over Samson's eyes, to shroud his heart and to dampen his discernment and resolve. 

We are often "hard" on Delilah, but sometimes I wonder if she did what she did partly out of fear. Was her own life threatened by bloodthirsty Philistines who wanted nothing but Samson's utter downfall? They knew of her intimate connection with Samson and were probably threatening Delilah's life--perhaps that of her family, too. 

It is natural to act out of fear when our hope is not in God. 

So, although this does not excuse Delilah's actions, we may certainly relate to them . . . 

How did Delilah get what she wanted? Through careful manipulation. 

The difference between Esther and Delilah is extremely important to note--and this can be so helpful to us in our relationships with our husbands and in general. Delilah acted insincerely, underhandedly, deceitfully. Esther acted sincerely, transparently, with complete honesty and openness. 

Esther's dependence and hope were in God--not in her beauty, not in the power of her words, not in her power to manipulate the king in any way, but ultimately and utterly, in God. 

Whether she lived or died. Whether her husband thought well of her or not. Whether she pleased him ultimately or not.

Her hope and strength were in God. 

Delilah's dependence was upon the opposite--upon herself--upon her own powers of manipulation. She used every female "trick" she could muster--whining, pouting, sex, employing her attractiveness and allurement to deceive and destroy. She acted out of selfishness and fear, with no real love in her heart for the man that she gave herself so completely to (and yet, didn't). 

Many men can be won in this way. There is a Satanic power behind deceit and manipulation and using sex as a tool to "encourage" a man to do what we want them to do. 

But this is not the way of Jesus. 

Someone may think, "Well, didn't Esther also manipulate her situation in some way? She dressed as attractively as possible in order to persuade the king and to present her case, she prepared elaborate banquets for him to enjoy and tried her best to ensure that the mood was right for her to address him--isn't that manipulation?"

But the key difference between Esther and Delilah's methods is that Esther didn't use deceit to hide her real motives. Esther was open and honest with no trace of deceit. Delilah's motives were carefully concealed. 

There is a difference in manipulating a situation and being wise in the way that you present something. Was it wise for Esther to make sure that she looked as lovely as possible and anoint herself before going in to see the king? Of course. She wanted to show him how serious she was, how much she respected his authority and kingship. She wanted to make herself pleasing to him in order to present the truth, whereas Delilah made herself pleasing in order to feed a lie to Samson for her own gain. Esther used her beauty and careful approach in order to soften the king's heart, not in order to deceive him. 

The Lord used Esther's beauty and gentle, determined character to touch the heart of the king. 

There is a difference between wisdom and manipulation.  Ultimately, Esther's hope and trust were in God, and in His power and ability to move the heart of the king, not in her own resources of beauty and charm. Delilah relied upon herself, her powers of manipulation, and her ability to move a man's heart in the direction that she wanted it to go. 

Esther's spirit reflected truth and submission to God, whereas Delilah's reflected hidden motives and deceit--the very opposite.

I have read marriage advice--and it has so deeply disturbed me--from respected Christian sources that basically encourage women to manipulate their husbands. 

Treat your husband a certain way and he will love you. 

Use such and such a formula and your marriage will thrive.

Crown your husband king and he will make you his queen. 

It is never from the Lord to manipulate a situation, to attempt to turn a situation in our favor in our own strength apart from the Lord.

We do this in tiny and in great ways in our marriages--and I believe that it always produces frustration or complacency (in a man who knows he's being manipulated but doesn't want to make waves and so allows himself to be manipulated). 

Manipulation never produces that true and lasting peace and contentment that stems from trust in a great and merciful Savior. 

We want a situation to change so badly and we fall prey to advice, even from Christian marriage books.

But the truth is that manipulation only works temporarily and at best produces a false peace and security.

As women, it is so easy to fall prey to the temptation of using manipulation to get what we want. 

The difficult path is waiting on the Lord, as Esther did, trusting in His power and timing--relinquishing our fears into His all-loving hands. 

He is able to turn the heart of the king, to sustain us, to deliver. 

How should we interact with our husbands based upon the examples of Esther and Delilah?

With sincerity, with openness and honesty--prayerfully, our hope and trust in God. 

Not using manipulation or female charms to deceive and distract. 

With honor and dignity, trusting the love of the One who honors those who honor Him. 


Please join me for the next post, which is closely related to this one, next week. The Lord willing, I'll be dealing more in depth with the issue of women who are married to men who are not believers or men professing to be Christians but who are walking in their own way apart from the Lord and how we should respond to that difficulty. 









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